Everybody Hates Kisame: Nemo the Cat Saga
by The Elegant Princess K
Summary: THIS STORY IS PURE,100% CRACK!The premise is simple: the Akatsuki adopts a kitten and Kisame, being half-fish, is angry about it.Hilraity ensues....that's about it.Rated T for language,obsure randomness,and fuddy duddy jokes.
1. Ch1 Cat's got your tounge?

**Disclaimer:** _I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto or any of the pop culture references that might show up in this story. If I did own Naruto...I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd probably dress the hot Akatsuki guys and Gaara as playgirl bunnies.....Hey are you still reading this?Move on to the story. Its ok.I understand._

**:Warning!:** _The following is a really crappy fanfic about Kisame and the other members of the under the age of 18 or advised not to read this. Also, children over the age of 18 are advised not to read this. It's very poorly written. I mean, the entire premise is that the Akatsuki gets a cat and Kisame,being the shark-man,is pissed because of well. ! and it's written in the high-school drama club format!Huzzah!_

* * *

Kisame: *wakes up and sees nothing but darkness and feels something furry brush against him*...Oh, ha funny Itachi. Really funny. *takes of his sleep-mask and sees a black kitten with little tuffs of white fur on it's chest lying on top of Kisame looking at him hungrily**Kisame begins to scream out in bloody murder*

Itachi: *looks up from his 'Learning to Read Braille' book beacuse of Kisame's screaming* What's wrong Kisame?

Kisame: *pointing to the cat* What the hell is that THING doing here!?!? Y'know Itachi, I didn't mind the drawing on my face while I was asleep, or the 'putting my hand in warm water thing', or that time you and Leader-sama gave me a nipple ring while I was sleeping (if at anything I really enjoyed that. . .), but the second you put a small,cute,helpless animal on my chest while I'm napping that's where I draw the line!!!

Itachi: *is just staring at Kisame and the cat with a bored expression* . . .is that a cat?

Kisame: No, its a naked banana person tapdancing on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro with Paul Bunyon, OF COURSE IT'S A CAT!!YOU SHOULD KNOW SINCE YOU PUT IT THERE!!! Be grateful your so sexyfine Itachi or I'd-

Itachi: ...I didn't do it.

Kisame: What are you talking about? Of course you did it! Who else has access to our room and is diaboloically twisted and sadistic enough to put that monstrosity here!?

Itachi: Not me you read the manga? I seem to be a very nice guy with a very creepy, unhealthy obessesion with my younger brother.

Kisame: Well that's retarded. How'd that happen?

**Meanwhile at the Legion of FanFiction. . .**

Lex Luther: Excellent!After countless really cliche ItaSasu fanfics. Kishimoto has finally surrendered to us Itachi's character rights!

Gorilla Grod: Yes!

Cheetah: At long last!

Toyman: I STILL DEMAND MORE TOYS! That and Solomond Grundy and Brainiac still need pants!

Black Manta: Now...Let's try to hook Maka up with Death the Kid!

All Together: To the Fanfic. Moblie!

**Back at the Akatsuki fortress of Doom. . .**

Kisame: . . .that was wierd.

Itachi: ...yes...anyway, it looks like something Tobi would keep around.

Kisame: Of course! Who else would keep such a horrible beast than that fuddy duddy Tobi!!

Itachi:...Fuddy Duddy?

**At the Akatsuki breakfeast table...of doom . . .**

Kisame: Here Tobi. Take your fucking cat back. *hands the cat to Tobi while wearing a hazmat suite*

Tobi: *squeals* Squee!! Nemo!!There you are!!3

Kisame: *eye twitch* . . .NEMO!? Is that suppose to be some kind of sick-ass joke! All because I'm a shark you name that...critter after that clownfish!?!You know what Tobi, you SUCK!You suck Cunt!No wait, you don't deserve even cunt, you can suck Might Guy's 8inch Guy!! GOD!I HATE YOU SO MUCH TOBI!!

Tobi: ...*whimpers*.

Itachi: ...fuddy duddy...

Pain: *walks in and sits down at the head of the table* What are you idiots yelling about so early in the morning?

Nemo: Nyeow! *jumps out of Tobi's arm and into Pains, nuzzling him*

Kisame: wait...the cat's yours Leader-sama?

Pain: *petting and stroking Nemo's head and back* Well course he's mine!Who else would he belong to? Sasori? That's a laugh!

Sasori's Ghost: *his head emerges out of Hidan's cereal bowl* Certainly not me. I hate all helpless, fluffy cute strays...espically you Deidara.

**In the Akatsuki Bathroom...of DOOMING . . .**

Deidara: *is brushing his mouth-hand's teeth but then stops* . . .aw. . .*single tear*

**Back to the Plot. . .**

Hidan: *just kinda stares at Sasori's phantom head in his cereal bowl, but then continues eating his Fruity Pebbles despite the fact Sasori's there*

Kisame: I meant, why do you have that creature!?

Pain: It's simple, Konan and I were walking home one night from that Italian resturant when we stumbled upon this kitten, and well...Y'know I can't turn a blinded eye away from small,helpless,fluffy, cute strays. Why do you think Deidara's here?

**Back in the Bathroom of Dooming . . .**

Deidara: *is slitting his wrists listening to Wonderwall by Oasis, but then he stops cutting* ...yay.*smiles*

**Back at the Dinning Table. . .**

Kisame: Ok, let me get this straight. Itachi turns out to be a total pussy and our Leader is suddenly nice to animals!? Whats next, Tobi being a criminal mastermind?

Tobi: ...R-right!That would be crazy!Tobi is a good boy after all! *laughs nervously with shrifty eyes*

Itachi: ...Fuddy Duddy....

Pain: Well fine then, if that bothers you so much complain about it on your MySpace account Kisame, or should I say LadyGaGa_luver_8435!!

Kisame: What are you talking about!? Why would I listen to that over-rated, mass-media packaged transvestite!

Kakuzu: yeah, who would listen to that little pissant! *is trying to hide his Lady GaGa Live in Concert coffee mug*

Kisame: Why did you name that abomination Nemo anyway? I have enough problems fitting in and maintaining a fangirl base, I don't need you mocking me like this.

Pain: There are two reasons why: First off, Finding Nemo is like, Zetsu's favorite movie, next to The Last Unicorn of the cat Nemo is the only thing keeping Zetsu from eating him!

Zetsu: HA HA. ZETSU LIKE DORY! **CRUSH THE TURTLE SHOULD'VE HAD A BIGGER ROLE.**

Kisame: Why didn't you just name it Schmendrick then? Pretty sure everyone here would've gotten a good laugh from that.

Pain: Which brings we to my second reason Kisame, I love messing with you Blueballs.

Kakuzu: ...heh. I get it. Blueballs.

Pain: Kakuzu, just go into the corner. I postive that Lady GaGa bit was the only line you're getting in this story.

Kakuzu: What!? But I'm important to the series!I killed Asuma!!

Pain: Yeeeeeeaaaaah, no you didn't. That was Hidan. Your entire purpose for existing is so you can be literally obliterated by Naruto's Rasengan Shuriken Wind...thingy.

Kakuzu: *sniff* At least I'll always have my fangirls. . .

Hidan: What fangirls? The only reason they like you is because they like to pair you up with , when you died nobody cried or got pissed that you died, espically not Sasori!

Sasori's Ghost: *appears out of Hidan's breakfeast bowl again* He' s right you know. Even if I was still alive during that part of the show I still would've gaven a shit about you. You were my least favorite.

Hidan: You see!Listen to the creepy pedophile ghost man!People like Kisame and Zetsu more than they like you!!!

Zetsu: SHE-WOLF IN ZETSU'S CLOSET! **ZETSU WANTS A HULA-HOOP!!**

Kisame: so if everyone hates Kakuzu, why is the story called 'Everybody Hates Kisame'?

Pain: Because, unlike Kakuzu you actually have personality 's eaiser to make fun of you, blue, gay shark man whose sword betrays him while fighting Killer Bee. (A big middle finger to those who aren't that far in the Manga)

Kisame: ...um...Thanks Pain....I think....

Itachi: ...Fuddy Duddy...

**Later on in the Akatsuki Living Room of Doomage. . .**

Pain: Kisame, your mission today is to take Nemo-kun to the free vet at Petsmart. He seems less lively than usual...anyway Deidara and Hidan will accompany you.

Kisame: What?Why Me?

Pain: Hey Shut up!At least we're paying attention to you, not like that week with the tubas and the eggplants and vibrators-

Kisame: ...so...much...clotting...

Pain: Yes, yes I believe we would ALL like to forget that week.

Kisame: ok, why Deidara and Hidan?

Pain: Simple, Deidara has had practically no lines in this entire story-

Kisame: Neither has Konan!

Pain: Konan's busy!

Konan: *calling from Pain's bedroom* Painy!Where are you?

Pain: *calling back* Be there in a second baby!

Kisame: Wow...the evidence is really piling up Painy. . .

Pain: Hey!Shut up!At least I'm getting some!

Sasori's Ghost: *head emerges out of the coffee table* Well actually, yesterday I saw both Itachi and Deidara -

Pain: -WITH A WOMAN!

Sasori's Ghost: ...like I said, both Itachi and _Deidara_ were-

Pain: *sprinkles Sasori with holy water* GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ORGINIZATION!!

Sasori's Ghost: *disappearing* YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH!

Pain: *sighs*That was an ordeal...Moving along, as for why Hidan, here's a list: A. Tobi has a Lego Building Contest, B. Itachi's stuck on that whole 'fuddy duddy' thing, C. Kakuzu is shunned, D. both me and Konan are gonna go "Barry White", E. Orochimaru isn't one of us anymore, F. I just Bannished Sasori to Tartarus, and G. Zetsu would just try to eat him.

Kisame: ...So you're sending Hidan instead? The ULTRA-VIOLENT, MASCOISTIC/SADISTIC PSYCHOPATH !!??The guy with the World's Greatest Kitten Tosser Trophy!!??

Kisame&Pain: *turn around and see Hidan polishing his 26 Cat Punching trophies and medals while singing 'Kill A Kitten' by Stephen Lynch* ...and if I qoute the Bible cuz that's where its written...if you loveth Jashin you must kill a kitten. . .

Pain: ...you might have a point there Kenny the do to the fact I don't want to refill out paper work and for the sake of comedy relief, Hidan is still going with you.

Kisame: that is WIERD theology Leader-sama...

Pain: If you think the logic behind that is confusing Kisame, wait til you see how Naruto defeats me and what I do afterwards.

_( __Princess K: __No the fuck was the point of Pain killing everyone if he just brings them back to life 5 seconds after Naruto gives him a friendship speech?)_

Pain: *hands Kisame a baby bag*Heres all the things you will need to take care of Nemo-kun: cat food,milk,yarn,blanket,hairbrush,his doll,his DVD collection,his Power Ranger Action Figures, his toothpick statue of the Effiel Tower, Pat the Bunny, his-

Kisame: *clears throat*

Pain: Hmm? Oh his Cat care stuff is in there, heres a map in case you get lost, be back by 8PM, Konan's cooking Steakums tonight, also if you find a black,ominous looking puzzle box on the ground never,god forbid, NEVER EVER try to solve it.

Kisame: ...ok...thanks for the warning/obligatory Hellraiser reference Leader-sama...

Pain: BEWARE!!

_And so, the reluctant Kisame,Hidan and Deidara left the Akatsuki hideout with Nemo the kitten in hand, on a perilous journey to the free vet at Petsmart. Tune in next time for Ch. 2!!!_


	2. Ch2 It's a total CATastrophe!

_**Disclaimer:**__I don't in any way,shape, or form own Naruto or any of the pop culture references that show up. If I did own Naruto, Sakura would've been a pirate....she would be A LOT more interesting. I would make Saukra...FUN. ^_^_

_Chapter 2 of my Crack fic. about Kisame and Nemo the cat in which the fourth wall is destroyed. The Trio are on their way to Petsmart until they find a fork in the road, but each path leads to a horrible fate. _

_Plus,Hidan's secret past and the reason to why he never wears a shirt Revealed. _

_Also, look for all the subliminal Skinny Puppy product placement that appear during that flashback. _

_Enjoy._

* * *

Kisame: *is walking along side Hidan while Deidara is hovering a few feet away with Nemo behind them* *is holding up a cruedly drawn map that Pain drew for them* . . .my eyes are vomitting. . .

The Quartet: *reaches a fork in the road*

Hidan: Ok Blueballs, which way?

Kisame: *checks the map* ...according to this, if we take the left path well end up at a large body of water...no..no my mistake, I think that might be a blue crayon smuge...

Hidan: GODDAMMIT!

Kisame:  *sighs* I know Hidan! This entire crusade is ridiculous!

Hidan: What?No! I'm upset because those were MY crayons!MINE! How dare Pain use my crayons without asking me first! You have to be like, the rudest fucking person in the universe not to!

Pain: *Using the Rinnegan to make his voice boom from the sky...I believe that was one of it's powers* **YOU CAN PROVE NOTHING!**

Kisame: yes...well the right path will take us to this.....cat....looking...thing...

Pain: *voice returns* **IT'S A SPHINX YOU IDIOT! CAN'T YOU SEE THE WINGS AND TAIL!**

Kisame: *turns the map to a different angle*....Oh. OH! I see it now!

Pain: *voice fading* **YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!!!!!**

Hidan: So which way?

Kisame: I'm really not sure. I really hate to say it, but we need Deidara. Wow. Three words I thought I'd never say!

Deidara: *too busy playing with Nemo to hear Kisame*

Nemo: *batting at Deidara's ponytail like it was a gaint blonde cat wand*

Deidara: Look! He likes me, un!

Hidan: *sighs* A girl playing with her pussy. . .

Kisame: *bonks Hidan over the head with Samehada to silence him* Quiet You!

Hidan: WHAT!? It's true!

Deidara: *sticks all three tounges out at Hidan* Jealous, un?

Hidan: You know what Rapunzel, I'm really not.

Kisame: Anyway, Deidara do you think you could fly up so we could get a better idea of which path to take?

Deidara: I'll do it! Not for us. Not for Nemo. But for the love of art! *Flies up*

Kisame: *waiting for Deidara's report* So...Hidan, I have a question-

Hidan: -I have no answer.

Kisame: Ha ha. Anyway, why don't you ever wear a shirt? Is there some kind of wacky religious reason or do you just not like them?

Hidan: No...that's not the reason...

Kisame: Well...what is it then- *notices Hidan's clenched fist trembeling*

Hidan: *is having a very tramatizing flashback about why he never wears a shirt*. . .

**Kisame won't know what happened, but YOU will...Lucky You. **

**Also look for all the subliminal Skinny Puppy Product Placement. . **.

Hidan: *is nine years old* Daddy!? Can I wear your Skinny Puppy T-Shirt??? *big, sparkly, Hidan eyes of Childhood wonder...Jesus, that sounds adorable...Think about it.I want a stuff animal of that. It's precious*

Dracula: Well I don't see why not. Here, my son. *tosses the large Skinny Puppy T-shirt to Hidan* *That's right, Dracula is Hidan's you really that surprised? He's immortal and drinks blood, it's not rocket science people)

Hidan: Yay!Thank you Father! I love you Daddy!I love **EVERYTHING!** *attempting to put on the shirt* Hmm!~ Smells like a Pine Forest! Now...where is the opening for the head....no...that's not it...where is it!? Daddy, I think this shirt might be too big for me...**DADDY!?!?! I CAN'T FIND MY WAY OUT!!!DADDDEEEE!!!!!!!!**

Dracula: I knew I should've gave him a compass!! * grabs some scissors* Don't worry Hidan! Daddy's Coming!

Hidan: *is struggling like a opposum trapped in a net* **THIS IS WHAT HELL MUST FEEL LIKE!!!**

Dracula: *cuts a hole into his Skinny Puppy shirt and pulls out a trembeling Hidan out* Hidan!? My son, are you ok?

Hidan: oh yes father, I'm ok. Everything is rainbows and bumblebees and- **HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL!!!I COULD'VE DROWNED SOMEHOW!! YOU CAN GO SUCK A BLOODY FUCKING WANK FOR ALL I CARE YOU FAILURE AS A FATHER!!!!**

Dracula: Christmas is ruined!

_**S**__o in conclusion, __**K**__nowing the truth about __**I**__conic band shirts he murdered his father __**N**__ear the month of __**N**__ovember which was __**Y**__esterday, __**P**__oses the question to __**U**__s about body __**P**__ro__**P**__ortions and clothing. __**Y**__ou decide if he was right. _

**End of the Subliminal Skinny Puppy Product Placement Flashback. . .**

Hidan: *is now lying on the ground, hunched over in the fetal position* ...Piney....Scents....

Deidara: *flying back down to them* Ok. I've got good news and bad news, un.

Kisame: What do you mean by that?

Deidara: Well...theres this lake on the left path...and a sphinx on the right path un...

Pain: *Voice returns* I TOLD you!!

Kisame: So, what's the good news then?

Deidara: Nemo. If you please.

Nemo: *sits up after hearing his name holding an oddly shaped clay sculpture in his mouth* Nyew?

Kisame: . . .you're kidding me. . .

Deidara: *shakes head* Nope, un! Little guy made that clay mouth all by himself! My friends, we are in the presence of a true artistic mastermind, besides me of course. Infact, I should ask Leader-sama about making him my parnter instead of Tobi,un!

Hidan: *still lying on the floor* . . .QUEER!

Kisame: As why Princess K thinks your sexy is still a mystery to me. . .

Deidara: *grins impishly*

Kisame: If we could, can we please get back to this poor excuse of a plot?

Hidan: *Gets up* Fine.

Deidara: *sighs* If you insist, un.

Nemo: Nya!

Kisame: Well, I think we should go right.

Hidan: Why? I figured a fish-man like you Blueballs would take the path that has more water.

Kisame: Normally I would but this is a Princess K fan project. The second we get to the lake she'll probably make us get eaten by some horrible sea monster of something. Or I'll spontaniously explode while you and Deidara do a really graphic yaoi/lemon scene on top of my ashes.

( Princess K: ...What I DO!?)

Kisame: or she'll for no appreant reason, make a very obsure Hellraiser reference!

**Back at the Akatsuki Hideout of Doom . . . **

Konan: *is playingJenga with Pain, deciding which block to remove* *looking at one of the top pieces*

Pain: ........do that and I'll tear your soul apart.

Konan: *sighs* Pain

Pain: Shut up Square! I'm Pinhead! (Get it? Cuz' he already has all the head piercings!)

Konan: Fine. _Pinhead_-

Pain: Fine, if thats how your attitude is going to be like, I'm gonna go play with Sasori's bondage equipment...because I'm Pinhead like that...

**Back To the Rat Pack. . .**

Kisame: ok you see, that's exaclty what I was talking about.

_And so, the foursome took the right path with the horrible sphinx. Find out what surprises await them in Chapter 3!!_

_.....heh heh...Foursome.... _


	3. Generic Random Cat Pun!

_**Disclaimer:**__I still do not in any way,shape, or form own Naruto or any popculture references that appear yaada, yaada. If I did...Naruto wouldn't have that silly orange jumpsuit. Really not that stleathy. unless it's like, an Orange Tang factory._

_In this Chapter The Four lead characters make their ways to the sphinx through which, many Deus Ex Machinas show up do to lazy writing. But little do our heroes...er...antiheroes know that they are being followed by an ominous threat._

_Also, Danny DeVito does the voice of the Sphinx. =D_

* * *

**We rejoin our antiheroes walking on a dirt path. . .**

Deidara: ...guess again.

Hidan: For the last time Fluffy, we're not playing that game!

Deidara: But it's fun, un! Plus I bet our readers would want us to play it too! *smiles and waves at you! That's right! I can see you through the computer...By God! you've gotten fat...*

Hidan: All right, All right. Start over.

Deidara: Ok, I'm thinking of something short....red...and wooden...

Kisame: It's Sasori.

Deidara: Right, un! Ok, start over. I'm thinking of something red and small-

Kisame: Sasori.

Deidara: Right again. Do you have ESP or something Kisame?

Hidan: wow Fluffy, I had NO idea. *rolls eyes sarcasticly*

Deidara: What? NO! I'm not thinking about Sasori because of that!! (Thats pedophilic) I'm thinking about him because he's my Danna!Un, and despite the fact he was constantly yelling at me, beating me up, and dressing me up in women's clothing, I know that deep down it was all an act of love!

**Meanwhile, in Tartarus. . .**

Sasori: Hmm....I feel like punching Deidara....

Zabuza: Who?

Sasori: *shrugs* Nnn...some whinny chick who followed me around and would never shut up.

**Scenery Change!!!**

Deidara: aw...*emo*

Deus ex Machina Sphinx: *suddenly appears*

Kisame: oh...there it is.

Hidan: how convenient.

Deidara: I like jello, un!

Nemo: reow!

Sphinx: *speaking in Danny DeVito's voice* Hiya! I'm the inappropriately voiced sphinx. Call me Boris.

Kisame: It's good to know that Princess K acknowlegdes the ancient Egyptian culture.

Pain: *voice returns* ACTUALLY KISAME, CONTRAY TO POPULAR BELIEF THE SPHINX LEGEND ORIGINATED IN ANCIENT GREECE, NOT EGYPT!!!

Kisame: Hey shut up or I'll tell everyone your voiced by the same guy who did Excalibur's voice!!

Pain: . . .YOU BITCH! *voice disappears*

Sphinx: Answer my riddle, if you get it right I'll let you pass...*pulls out a coupon*...and I'll give you this coupon for 5% off any Nichoals Cage movie.

Hidan: So like what, all his movies would cost negative five bucks then?

Sphinx: ah, well played.

Kisame: What if we get it wrong?

Sphinx: I'll devour your soul!

Deidara: hrmp, well that sounds unpleasant. I'm really starting to question wether or not this is all worth it, un.

Hidan: Fluffy, you die by blowing yourself up while you could've, instead, told Sasuke where Itachi was,then waited and when both Itachi and Sasuke are half-dead from their battle, you swoop down and kill them. You have no right to talk.

Deidara: ...I'll be quiet, un.

Kisame: But wait, do we each get one chance or are we like a group?

Sphinx: what?

Kisame: Yeah, if say, I tried to answer it but got it wrong will you only eat me or all of us?

Sphinx: oh...I haven't really thought of that before...um...I guess if you got it wrong I'd eat two of you....err...the blonde chick and the shirtless guy...they look yummy...

( Princess K: you don't know the half of it)

Deidara: Eep!

Hidan: you think I'm sweet? Heh, prepare to be very disappointed.

Kisame: ok, fine! Eat them! I really don't care! More fangirls for me!

Sphinx: You are a horrible person and yet...curiously attractive....for a fish man.

Hidan: ...goddammit, nobody gets the reference.

Sphinx: right...anyway, heres the riddle: What is something you seen, but cannot see?

Hidan: Well I hope its the Land of The Lost movie. I saw that movie along with My Sister's Keeper which is about a girl dying of cancer. Land of the Lost, way more depressing.

Kisame: *hits Hidan over his head with Samehada* No copying LittleKuriboh's jokes!!!

Hidan: DAMMIT!!

**Meanwhile, in a hot air balloon close by . . .**

Zetsu: FOUND THEM!! _**ZETSU HIPS DON'T LIE!!**_

Itachi: ....fuddy duddy....

Madara: *slaps Itachi* stop that.

Itachi: ...ok.

Madara: Kakuzu! Give me their status report!

Kakuzu: the part of Kakuzu in this scene will be played by Naruto, *Naruto wearing Kakuzu's clothes* Just standing there! My name's Kakuzu! I like money! Dattebayo!

Madara: Splendid! Pain will be so please with Madara! Madara is a good boy! (Are you SURE Madara is Tobi? I don't see it)

Itachi: um...Tobi-I mean, Madara?

Madara: Yes, what is it Senor Weasel?

Itachi: I told you not to call me that in public! Anyway, can you tell me why we're following them again for exposition?

Madara: Simple! Pain sent us to get rid of Kisame and Nemo once in for all!!Bwa hah hah!!

Itachi: But, what good will that do? Isn't it wierd that Leader-sama sent Kisame out with his cat to help it, but then sends us to stop Kisame from that?Doesn't that kind of hinder the entire plot meaningless and open up all kinds of holes in the story?

Madara: .........Y-yes! Th-that's just what I wanted you to think!!! Ha ha!!

Itachi: Also, it just dawned on me that Uzumaki Naruto is just standing right here vulnerable and showing no signs of resistance.

Madara: Whoa, Whoa, WHOA!!! Itachi!! "Vulnerable?" "No resistance?", what are you planning to rape him? Who do you think he is, you little brother!!?!?

Itachi: no, I'm just saying this is a perfect chance to take his Kyuubi!!!

Madara: What??? And break the Cliche Anime Code of always giving the protagoinst a chance to escape!? You're insane! You make Zetsu,Deidara,Hidan, and me look like a bunch of harmless hamsters!

Itachi: *sighs* I hate you Madara.

Madara: and I despise you I am Weasel.

Kakuzu (Naruto): I like ramen! Dattebayo!

**Transistional Phrase!!!**

Kisame: *to Hidan and Deidara* Do you guys think it's air?

Hidan: Hell no!

Deidara: *is hit over the head by a falling Deus ex Machina apple* I know! It's Time!

Sphinx: NOOOO!!!! *explodes*

Kisame: wait, what the crap just happened here!!?!?

Hidan: Fluffy did something useful? What did someone open up a can of worms and this is what crawled out?

Kisame: Not only that, but we've made it through the entire chapter without one Hellraiser reference!

Random Bum: *walks up to Deidara* What's your pleasure ma'am?

Deidara: I'm a highly attractive, effeminate man with mouths covering severeal different parts of my body and I hang out with other extremely handsome, sexually ambiguous men, What do you think my pleasures are?

Kisame: *slices the bum in half with Samehada* NO!NO! NO MORE MOVIE REFRENCE!!

_And so, our four characters defeated the Danny DeVito Sphinx. But what dangers await them in the next exciting chapter of....THIS!!!_


	4. Ch3 12: Cat's out of the bag

_**Disclaimer:**__I still do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto or Disney. If I did, the would be a Disney movie about Jews. Every other race has had a Disney movie except them. Anti-semtitic bastards._

_You know, you COULD skip this Chapter if you want. Nothing really happens, I just had this comedy routine in mind while working on the story. It's basically just filler._

* * *

Princess K: wow, only two more chapters after this. . .

Kisame: You mean we only have two more chapters of this insanity!!??

Princess K: Hey! How'd you guys get in here!?

Hidan: We had Fluffy here use his C3 exploding clay to blow a hole through the fourth wall!

Princess K: ...And you expect everyone to believe that!?

Kisame: Um...Have you _read_ some of the stuff you wrote about in this story? And you're getting on us because of _THIS_?

Princess K: ....okay you got me there.

Deidara: *is carrying the sleeping Nemo in his arms* I'm just happy to finally get some respect around here, un. *smiles and nudges Kisame* Right Kisame? You know a little thing about no respect?

Kisame: .......at least I'm not a zoophiliac......

Deidara: ....I'm a What?

Kisame: You know....

Deidara: Know what?

Hidan: You know...how Nemo is with you in every scene and how you're always talking about how he's sooo cute and shit...

Deidara: . . . WHAT!? You think me and Nemo are-

Princess K: *shrugs* If the shoe fits. . .

Kisame: The proof is in the pudding...

Hidan: Tell me, do either of your butt buddies Senor Weasel or the Coin-Operated Boy know about this?

Nemo: *wakes up* Nyew?

Deidara: *covers Nemo's ears* Don't listen to their slanderish lies Nemo-kun! *hand tounges like the ridges of Nemo's ears*

Nemo: *squirming in Deidara's arms making a cat-moaning sound...I'm actually not sure if cats can do that...I'm no vet....But for the sake of the joke lets pretend they can...*

Hidan: Wow...I mean, I've always knew you wanted to be inside of Nemo but still-

Princess K: *uses pencil to undo Hidan's neck seams*

Hidan: *head falls off* Goddammit!!!What the hell was that for bitch!?

Princess K: For picking on my adorable, promiscuous bishie thats why. Besides, when it comes to bizzare fetishes, you're not one to talk. Sado/Masochist bastard.

Plus theres what you did to Gaara in the fic. Janeshy wrote for me, shall I tell everyone online what you did?

Hidan's Head: YOU SWORE YOU WOULD NEVER SPEAK OF THAT!!!

Princess K: *picks up Hidan's disembodied head buy his hair* Why Hidan? I was just going to tell them that you have a good HEAD on your shoulders. (That and you had creepy, pedophile ass-rape sex with Gaara)

Hidan's Head: YOU BITCH!!!

Princess K: Why? I'm just telling you how amazed I am by the fact you're aHEAD of the others.

Hidan's Head: I SWEAR TO JASHIN I WILL BITE YOUR MOTHER FUCKING THROAT OUT IF YOU MAKE ANOTHER GODDAMNED HEAD PUN!!!!

Princess K: I'm just playing with you Hidan, no need to worry your HEAD off.

Hidan's Head: *trying to bite Princess K's fingers*

Princess K: *to Kisame* Hey Starshine, want some head?

Kisame: ...you could have just said Hidan's head. You didn't have to go and make it dirty like that.

Princess K: Oh, the things I do for comedy.

Kisame: Well do you have thread around here or can you go get Kakuzu so we can sew Hidan's head back on?

Princess K: Nope, I have a better and lazier idea. *hands Kisame the stapler* Staple it back on. I really don't feel like bringing Kakuzu back into this story.

Deidara: Anything we should know about Chapter 5 beforehand, un?

Princess K: hmm...Oh, the next chapter is the musical chapter!

Hidan: *head sown back on* ....Musical chapter?

Princess K: Yeah, I plan on doing an American Idol thing.

Kisame: That's silly, right Hidan....Hidan?

Hidan: *is singing* _Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the clear blue moon~_

Princess K: ....By God....That's....that's even more beautiful than Susan Boyle or Smiley or Dan Green's voice....

Deidara: Some where right now...an angel is getting it's wings....un....

Kisame: ...I could sing like that if I wanted to...I just don't want to...

Princess K: *clears throat* Yes...anyway....I also plan on doing this big, elaborate musical number at the end with all the characters.

Hidan: *singing with more power and feeling* _ Can you paint with all the Colors of thw Wind~_

Deidara: ....they should've sent a poet....un...

Kisame: *looks up at the sky* You have the power to stop this...

_And so...this ends Ch.4 of this. Ch. 5 will be up soon after I decide which song to use. I'm thinking either Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Natalie Portman by Ozma, or Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. YOU DECIDE!!_


End file.
